Girl on Fire

I am now convinced that I am a GIRL ON FIRE!  

"She's just a girl and she's on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway
She's living in a world and it's on fire
Fill with catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away" ~ Alicia Keys ~

Do you know that song? The Girl on Fire song by Alicia Keys? That song came out last October, a monumental month for me. I won't indulge in the details but lets just say it was a month of big decisions.  Every time I hear this song, I am reminded of the woman that I have become. I am reminded of the power that I possess within. I am reminded of my strength. I am reminded of the journey that I have walked down. I am reminded of how happy I feel right now. 

                                                                                                                     

So all of this talk about fire, really got me thinking about my life. I feel like I'm on fire. Seems like the flames have consumed my past and what's left is someone I hardly even recognize anymore. My dress,  like my life, has transformed itself into a blazing sense of purpose.

I used to wear a shimmery white gown, perfectly ironed, no wrinkles or creases. Now, what's left of that dress, has turned to ashes. I am wearing a bright red, fire breathing dress. I have become one with the flames.

 Last night I had a rare few hours by myself. I spent a glorious evening at home doing nothing in particular. The last three months have been a fury of activity for me. I haven't allowed myself that much down time. Honestly, I have probably had the best three months of my entire life. I can't remember the last time I felt so free and happy. Too much fun = recovery time! So, last night I caught up with old friends on Facebook, dug into ancient pictures, and drank a glass of wine. I felt comfortable in my own skin. It was nice. 

I thought about life and what I want to do from here on out. I thought about the juvenile plans that I had for myself when I graduated from high school. Have I strayed from those goals? What about my goals in college? Am I doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing? It's funny because I used to dream of one day being a journalist or an actress. Somehow I found myself in the role of teacher. How did that happen? One of my college professors used to say that teachers are all frustrated actors in disguise. And I have to ask myself…is this true? Is that why I became a teacher? Ha Ha! Who knows?

Whatever the case, I never in a million years thought I would one day be living and teaching in the Middle East? I thought I would have a family and four kids by now, settled safely somewhere in the United States. You know living a normal life. How did that train get off the track? How did I find myself alone in a foreign land, thousands of miles away from my family, friends, and the "normal" life I used to have? But, you know what? Now that I have experienced the world, I think that life would be boring. It no longer suits me. Weird. Someday, I will tell my story and I intend to write a book about it.

It's interesting. The events over the past few years have simply set the stage for what I think I'm supposed to do with my life: TRAVEL, TEACH, and WRITE. As I was looking through my pictures tonight, I was reminded of the adventures that I have had. I  stepped back and allowed myself to recall the memories that I have made along the way. The countries I have visited. The people I have met. The ones I have loved. The ones I have lost. The lies I was told. The abuse I endured. The happy moments created. I tried to accept it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Would I really be where I am today, following my destiny, if all of these things hadn't happened? The answer is no. 

Yes, maybe I don't have the life that I dreamed of having when I was eighteen; but somehow it's more fulfilling and adventure packed! Maybe I don't have a family, a house with a white picket fence, and those four boys I wanted to have. But wow, I have done some crazy stuff:)! I wouldn't trade those experiences for the world because they have made me who I am today. 

Maybe I have given up on the dreams I used to have or… maybe … just maybe … I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this very moment in time? Somehow I feel like the travels of Miss Amy have only begun!!!!

She's just a girl and she's on fire

Hotter than a fantasy, longer like a highway

She's living in a world and it's on fire

Fill with catastrophe, but she know she can fly away

Oh, she got both feet on the ground

And she's burning it down

Oh, she got her head in the clouds

And she's not backing down

[Chorus]

This girl is on fire

This girl is on fire

She's walking on fire

This girl is on fire

[Alicia Keys]

Looks like a girl but she's a flame

So bright she can burn your eyes

Better look the other way

You can try but you'll never forget her name

She's on top of the world

Hottest of the hottest girls say

Oh, we got our feet on the ground

And we're burning it down

Oh, got our head in the clouds

And we're not coming down

[Chorus]

This girl is on fire

This girl is on fire

She's walking on fire

This girl is on fire

[Alicia Keys]

Everybody stands as she goes by

Cause they can see the flame that's in her eyes

Watch her when she's lighting up the night

Nobody knows that she's a lonely girl

And it's a lonely world

But she gon' let it burn baby burn baby

[Chorus]

This girl is on fire

This girl is on fire

She's walking on fire

This girl is on fire

Oh, oh, oh...

She's just a girl, and she's on fire